So I just asked how did you break your foot? and he responded…

how did I break my foot? Baby, its a sad story. I hope you’re sitting down as you read this. Ok, so it was August 22nd. The night was dark and cold. I was driving home late one night after leaving the nursing home where i volunteer at 10 hours a week, and as i approached a curve in the road i saw a Humane Society truck filled with kittens and puppies that had run off the road and was on fire. I heard the poor yelps for help from the little critters inside and i immediately jumped into action. I pulled off the side of the road, parked my car, and bolted to the burning wreckage. As I drew nearer I could see that the gas tank had ruptured and fuel was spilling everywhere and the fire was spreading. I knew at the instant that it was either NOW or NEVER. It was time to be a man and act! I knew that if I didn’t jump into action these poor iddy biddy puppies and kittens would be burnt up like my ex girlfriend’s chicken alfredo. I knew I had to act. Destiny called…Destiny is the name of my ex girlfriend. I answered the phone and was all like, “Wuss up gurl. How YOU doing?” She was all like, “What YOU doing?” I was all like, “I’m about to get my rescue on and save these puppies and kittens so I need to call you back.” And she was all like, “You go BOY!” I closed my flip fone and commenced to some hero type stuff! I ripped off my shirt (whoa whoa whoa…settle down now gurl. I need you to focus on this burning wreckage on the side of the road and NOT on my manly chest mus-kals!) and underneath that shirt was a blue shirt with a red “S” on it. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a Monster drink and felt a surge of power and awesomeness rush thru my body. I punched out the windows and kicked out the doors on the truck and let the puppies and kittens run out to safety. They ran around frightened and oh-so scared and so I kneeled down and called them to me. Then i reached into my pocket and pulled out a bag of dog and kitten treats that i had accidentally left in there from the other night that i had done volunteer work at a vetinary hospital in town and fed them and held them in my arms. By this time the flames had engulfed the entire truck and no sooner had that happened that I realized the driver was still inside. One of the puppies cried out, “Que malo…go save el hombre!” So I ran over to the driver’s door and ripped the door open and pulled him to safety. By now the heat from the fire was so hot that my teeth were sweating. I was drenched in sweat. I was so sweaty with….sweat….that my chest hair and clumped together and looked like taco meat. (whoa whoa whoa…gurl, didn’t I tell you to stop thinking about my diesel chest. You got issues gurl. You need the Holy Ghost!) So anywho, by that time the cops and fire trucks arrived and began to treat everyone.
So, you ask how did I break my foot….turns out that i forgot that i was wearing chanklas that night and i broke two of my toes when i kicked the doors off the hinges. Man, I should have read the warning label on them chanklas when I bought them. It specifically said, “Warning…these chanklas should not be worn when doing super hero stuff like kicking out windows and doors on burning trucks. Doing so could lead to injury and unsightly corns and bunions.” Guess I need to pay more attention to labels, que no.

Advertisements

4 Comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s